My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize