I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
