did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
