his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
