I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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