nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
