saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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