I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
