This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
