He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He told me they were just razor bumps!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
