this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
