I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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