Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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