just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
