Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
