I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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