i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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