I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish you could order shots online.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
