I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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