You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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