Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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