Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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