dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
