This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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