thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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