we're blogging at a bar
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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