2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize