she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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