what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
