Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
