I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
