I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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