theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
