Yo dont text me then not text me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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