She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
