Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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