if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
