so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
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My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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