She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
