I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
