I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
