I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
