Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
