I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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