i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
