Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
