Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we're so committed to being not committed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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