He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize