Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
