community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
