just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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