Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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