someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
