I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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