Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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