I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
