I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
