That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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