nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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