me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
