I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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