If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
