I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
