Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just pee around me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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