what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
