I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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