she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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