went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
